Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Keeping Watch by Heart

I am overwhelmed today with gratefulness for all the blessings I have. I have a child kicking inside me, growing from translucence to a creature of heart and soul, bone and flesh, and seemingly who already knows and understands me. I know some of this is in my head, but I also know that God touches me with thoughts and ideas and realities. It’s how I know my baby right now.

What’s strange about this is that while I feel movement, it’s still so unbelievable to think of how both separated and part of Peanut’s life I am. This unique time really has my attention: how can I feel such love and admiration for this little someone I have not met yet? I am so impressed with Peanut’s resilience--through two accidents and difficult times in the first months. I sense Peanut loving music of different sorts now--the kicking and dancing at bluegrass, peace and calm with classical and jazz, flutters with reggae. I love to feel the little movements--wonder what the baby’s adapting to in there? I know s/he can hear, and so I share and pray aloud with and for.

I am separated from Peanut by skin, bone, and organs--but am connected spiritually somehow. By God’s grace. What kind of blessing is this? I am in awe of receiving it. I wonder what will happen when I can touch those little hands and feet, legs and arms, feel a little heartbeat with my own touch. What will we come to know of each other?

What more can I learn about myself through those little eyes, for that matter?

An infinity of learning.

I write, I watch, I pray.

1 comment:

Becky Eldredge said...

Reading this gives me goose bumps! Just wait until Peanut is placed in your arms the first time. All the love you have for him/her now will multiply in a way that you will not be able to wrap your head around! I am excited for you, and I am honored to watch your journey into motherhood! You will be amazing!