I find myself in a cacophony of ideas stemming from so much newness in my life, and I’m pausing to consider it. By the end of my reflection I hope to get to this: that life is not about fixing but about serving.
But we’ll get there.
First, my littlest has gone to school—willingly, excitedly, and wholeheartedly, the way I wish I could be with all things. She’s become an example to me in this endeavor, and a surprise. I love surprises. So I relish it, and I take pictures of them walking into school, big and little sister; they will only cross paths these two years of their little lives. It’s precious, in more ways than one. And I get to witness this. I get to be thankful for this, too, and that gratitude is washing over me right now in a way that allows me to open my eyes to other things less beautiful, dark. My deepest misgivings about children who have been orphaned lay side by side with these images of my children entering their school with teachers who care about them in a place they enjoy being. These same teachers, by the way, have supported local families torn apart, too. And so I become part of a cloud of witnesses.
That lesson, that ability to see past the ugly, is the gift of witness and service.
I am also embarking upon a journey to discern becoming a spiritual director—really merely someone who accompanies others on their path in a more formal capacity. I have prayed for and longed for this opportunity for many years, and now in this window of my life there’s a moment to accomplish the goal and give back to my community which has so richly given to me and my family. I have been gifted with many guides in my life, and have always felt I need to give back, to be of service to others in a real, tangible, authentic way. I get to be thankful for this, too, in a moment where much service to humanity is needed. My hope is that you might read this and find your own path, your own way to serve others.
Ultimately many years of facing dark nights of the soul, as St John of the Cross considered, in others and in myself has led me here, to the lines at the end of this reflection, and beyond. There’s so much hope in this: my heart is full as I contemplate what this means. So much yet to learn, so much to share with you, my friends. Pour out your hearts into this world desperate for love. You won’t necessarily fix it, but you will, by your contribution, create a new space.