Friday, February 2, 2018

The Unnameable Grace

How many times have you found yourself wondering where you got the strength or ability or fortitude to get through something that seems impossible?  I’m seeing this pattern in my life more and more, and part of it comes from taking time for meditation to create awareness of what’s already there.

In my middle age I find it striking to learn some things later than my peers, even as I have made it a personal life goal to study the soul and the spirit.  What’s happened is that God sent my way a bevy of people doing the same, challenging me and making me even better, and calling me to make them better by turn. Little by little we’re heightening each other’s creativity and awareness, and that’s meant for me perhaps the best birthday present ever: this sense that my age is a gift in itself. It comes with so many things, this full package.

I’ve been hyperaware, until recently, about the kind of things that just make me paranoid and worried about the slightest. I’m trying to insert into my life a hyperawareness of God in everyday, ordinary moments—how amazing that feels in all my senses once I have gotten away from allowing paranoia to take over that awareness, gotten away from the need (though not always— I’m human) to control things. When I don’t— as soon as I let go— I see a flourishing, a flowering, a goodness that I could not have imagined or created myself. The hyperawareness of God in my daily living allows me to relish in such a way that everything seems to have a light, something internal wanting out, wanting and waiting to become more present.